Faux Gnus Presents More Malodorous Executive Odors (sic) from the (Some Cards Missing) deck (sic) of the Oval Orifice (sic) in the Whites Only House of President-for-Life-Trump.
CRAFTSBURY – #101,728. Take a Billionaire-to-Lunch Program: Everyone earning less than a million dollars a year will be required to take a billionaire oligarch to lunch once a week at the most expensive restaurant in the area.
#53,907. Since transgendered kids playing sports and using bathrooms is the most important problem facing this nation today, I am declaring a National Emergency, suspending the Constitution and banning all future elections.
#2,931. Make a Constitutional Amendment preventing transgendered kids from using any bathrooms, public or private.
#98,503. Ban all news media except Fox Noose (sic), Truth Social and Musk’s X.
#703,295. Anyone who laughs at President-for-Life Trump, in public or private, will immediately be arrested and sent to El Salvador. A special Laugh Police will enforce this through the Surveillance State.
#2,063. Anyone drawing short mustaches on pictures of the Friendly Fuhrer will be sent to a concentration camp.
#701,395. Everyone will be required to have a copy of Mein Kampf on their bedside table. Aryan women who have a dozen or more Aryan children will get a substantial monetary award and a gold (plated) medal.
#173,296. No one can tell me what to wear to a funeral!
#5,602. Any company or organization that gets money from the Federal Government must remove all = (equal) signs from their mathematical equations.
#207,536. The Surveillance State (S.S.) will henceforth monitor all cell phone and computer activity through the Thought Police and the new office of the Grand Inquisitor.
#507,913. The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) will be renamed the Klueless Klutz Klan, now that Donald Musk, President-for-life No. 2 has left.
#173,852. All officers arresting immigrants and enemies of the Fearless Leader will wear masks, black clothing without identification and use unmarked vehicles.
#995,073. A new edition of the Old and New Testament will be printed, called the Trump Bible (The Revised Standard Perversion), taking out all the woke words like love, peace, compassion, charity, etc., and previous editions will be confiscated and burned.
#729,853. Change MAGA to MRGA (Make Russia Great Again).
#217,304. Give the Presidential Meddle (sic) of Honor to the Heritage Foundation for its 2025 Friendly Fascism Project.
#50,738. All future taxes and expenses owed to the Federal Government will have to be paid with Trump Family Cryptocurrency.
Brought to you by the Banana Republicans, the 2025 Friendly Fascism Project, Nails in the Coffin of Democracy, Mindless Puppets of Fox News, Immunity = Impunity, 1984 + 40, the Trumpenstein Corporation, the Kook Brothers and Endless Evil.
And remember: “Every day is April Fools Day!”
David K. Rodgers
David K. Rodgers is a writer, mason and card carrying dilettante, who dabbles and babbles in art. He has lived in East Craftsbury for the past 40 years.
