Faux Gnus Presents More Malodorous Executive Odors (sic) from the (Some Cards Missing) deck (sic) of the Oval Orifice (sic) in the Whites Only House of President-for-Life-Trump.
CRAFTSBURY – #51,037. Build a wall along the U.S.-Canadian border to prevent white Americans from escaping from this country.
#2,691. Require all school children to say 2,000 “Heil Trumps” at the beginning and end of each day.
“Heil Trump, Full of (expletive deleted), Blessed is the fruit of thy Goons.”
#9,257. Annex Panama and blow up the isthmus with nuclear bombs so that ships can go directly from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific.
#35,609. Change the National Anthem to “Trump Uber Alles” (sung in German).
#102,473. Build a Trump National Monument on the Mall taller than the Washington Monument.
#59,728. Establish an old age home for criminally insane politicians.
#3,196. Make January 6 National Attack the Police Day.
#5,709. Any use of lie detectors is forbidden.
#115,721. All blue haired/blonde eyed boys between the ages of 3 and 21 will join Trump Youth.
#3,845. All Republicans in the Senate and House of Representatives will be required to undergo a simple operation, called M.E. (Moral Eunuchification), with the exception of those who never had any morality.
#91,503. There will be no tariffs on anything imported that is marked MAGA or TRUMP.
#7,326. The American flag will be redesigned with a circle of stars (51) around a large T in the blue area.
#20,480. The Presidential Seal will be changed to a fan of playing cards indicating a trump hand.
#5,174. Everyone will be required to take a test to determine who are the winners or losers and all the losers will be deported.
#1,359. Donald Musk’s birthday will become a national holiday.
#23,051. All golf courses will become the property of Trump Turf.
#9,375. The children of liberals will be separated from their parents and sent to re-education camps.
#271,360. The official motto of King Donald The Last will be, “After Me, the _____ (fill in the blank) will hit the fan!”
#32,763. The Supreme Corpse will issue a decision that the Executive branch of government does not have to obey the Judicial branch, including the Supreme Corpse itself.
#19,308. All funds in the Social Security System will be invested in the stock market in Trump and Musk companies.
#276,509. The Seven Deadly Sins will be repealed; Morality is for losers.
#90,138. The Ten Commandments will be suspended for President-for-Life Trump, because he is above any laws.
Brought to you by the Banana Republicans, the 2025 Friendly Fascism Project, Nails in the Coffin of Democracy, Mindless Puppets of Fox News, Immunity = Impunity, 1984 + 40, the Trumpenstein Corporation, the Kook Brothers and Endless Evil.
And remember: “Every day is April Fools Day!”
David K. Rodgers
David K. Rodgers is a writer, mason and card carrying dilettante, who dabbles and babbles in art. He has lived in East Craftsbury for the past 40 years.
