Even more malodorous executive odors (sic) by President-for-life Trump

#201,795 – Sculptors will immediately begin carving my face on Mount Rushmore.

#759,361 – American citizens returning from abroad with any items critical of President-for-Life Trump on their cell phones or computers will be denied entry at the border.

#937,205 – There will be strict monthly quotas for arresting immigrants (legal or illegal) by ICE officers to meet, and those that fail to meet them will be deported.

#531,917 – There will be a Loyalty Oath, which all Americans must sign pledging never to question the absolute authority of President-for-Life Trump, and anyone who refuses to sign will be deported to prisons in South Sudan.

#387,258 – South Sudan will become the 56th state, after Israel (51), El Salvador (52), North Korea (53), Russia (54) and Qatar (55).

#764,867 – Repeal all government regulation of corporations, at both the federal and state level.

#73,081 – Since Musk has betrayed me and failed to be completely loyal to the Supreme Leader Trump, I will reverse our first name exchange (see Executive Order (sic) #7,891) and have him deported to South Africa.

#2,318,795 – Move the United States capitol to Mar-a-Lago, Florida.

#309,752 – President-for-Life Trump will write a new U.S. Constitution eliminating the legislative and judicial branches of government, giving all power to the executive branch.

#835,961 – Steven Miller will become head of a new cabinet position entitled the Department of Evil Ideas.

#193,057 – Anyone who says publicly or privately that I am the anti-Christ will be burned at the stake.

#283,915 – The “White House” will be renamed the “Whites Only House.”

#471,290 – Future demonstrations against President-for-Life Trump will be banned and all participants will be deported to Russian prisons in Siberia.

#530,793 – The United States will be supplying Russia with drones, cruise missiles and other weapons to use in their “Special Military Operation” against Ukraine.

#726,305 – The United States will import Russian oil and gas tariff free.

#218,057 – The words “climate change,” “global warming” etc. will be banned from all newspapers, magazines, radio, television and internet media.

#290, 531 – Children will be taught in school how to spy on their parents and report any disloyalty to the Supreme Leader and to the Supreme Violence Police for substantial financial rewards

#59,207 – Negative thoughts and even dreams at night about Demagogue-for-Life Trump are considered felony crimes and offenders will be arrested by the Thought Police of the Surveillance State and deported without trial.

#301,915 – My new book, “The Art of the Steal,” shows how to destroy democracies and create ever-friendly dictatorships around the world and will become compulsory reading for all Americans. Periodic testing will uncover those who have met, read and memorized the lessons of this invaluable guide. Those who fail will be deported to one of the new states.

#376,729 – Any references to the Emperor’s Nude Clothes will be punished to the full extent of secret laws.

#193,071 – The Big Beautiful Bill signed into law on July 4, 2025, demonstrated what the great German philosopher Goebbels said, which is that you can use democracy to destroy democracy. July 4 will become a double national holiday of celebration.

#261-735 – My inspiring autobiography, “Mein Life” (translated from German) will come out soon and be required to be purchased and read by all American citizens.

#702,481 – Anyone who asserts that I am running the federal government the way I ran my own businesses, i.e. into multiple bankruptcies, will be arrested and imprisoned for life.

#109,683 – Anyone who votes to impeach me will be summarily executed along with their families.

#793,105 – All the money collected by tariffs will go into my personal businesses.

#582,619 – Anyone who says I am in the terminal stage of syphilis will be deported to the moon, which will become the 58th state.

#157,092 – Make pedophilia a misdemeanor.

#902,673 – The Trump School of Business-As-Usual will soon publish my new book, “The Art of Multiple Bankruptcies,” and it will become the Bible for corporate practices.

#137,501 – The United States will withdraw from the United Nations and force it to leave New York City.

#536,003 – Trump University will take over Harvard University.

#279,158 – The 32nd of January will become National Mafia Manners day to celebrate my New York City mentors.

#530,961 – There will be a Presidential Pardon for all pedophiles, including myself.

#209,731 – All laws against hate speech will be annulled.

#973,018 – Everyone living in the United States, except myself, both legal and illegal residents as well as foreigners, will have a bar code tattoo on their foreheads to ensure ready identification by the Surveillance Police.

#231,705 – The United States Postal Service will be privatized and all stamps will feature a portrait of President-for-Life Trump. Payments must be made using Trump Family crypto-currency.

#710,932 – It is forbidden for Whites to get tanned lest they be mistaken for one of those other races by the Surveillance Police.

#291,603 – Victor Orban of Hungary will receive the Congressional Medal of Honor for showing the Republican Party how to systematically destroy democracy and establish a dictatorship.

Sponsored by Political Cowards-for-Trump, Phony Christians-for-Trump, Conservative Stink Tanks, Fascists-for-Father Figures, Sycophants for Trump, Thugs for Theocracy, The Supreme Psychopaths Third Term Campaign, Robots-for-Trump, The National Fleabites Foundation, Proud Bigots-for-Trump, Lets-Put-The-Fun-Back-In-Fundamentalism, Eunuchs-to-Power, Used-Casket-Salesmen-for-Trump, Endless-Evil, Old-Sadists-for-Trump, Spineless-Politicians-for-Trump, God-Is-On-Our-Sides-for-Trump and Demagogues-for-Trump.

And remember: Satire is fighting insanity with absurdity.