HARDWICK – Jeff Bezos, Wealthy founder of Amazon.com and owner of The Washington Post, today announced his purchase of The Hardwick Gazette and the launch of a new “local-Ish” journalism initiative, effective April 1.
Bezos described The Gazette as “a hick-town newspaper nobody’s ever heard of” which would offer him “a break from all the picky criticism I get over The Washington Post.”
The Gazette will be the first of hundreds of small-newspaper buyouts, which were “attractive” targets to Bezos because they are “so cheap and obscure,” he said.
Bezos plans to build a national network of small papers that will “help defray some of my losses at The Post and achieve economies of scale beyond anything realized by the most aggressive of private equity funds.”
Bezos then added, “Also, of course, expand my well-known commitment to journalism,” after an aide approached him and whispered something in his ear.
Gazette readers will “hardly notice” any changes in its content, Bezos promised, although his staff later said all current staff will be replaced by a junior editor at The Post and a Southeast Asian content farm.
The Gazette’s new editor, Stan Lickspittle, will oversee dozens of papers across the Northeast. Although he won’t be anywhere near Vermont, he expressed “my total commitment to serving the good people of Hardstick, Greensville, Crafton, Woodbuzzy, Marshfiddle, and, of course, et cetera.”
As a token of appreciation for their loyal readership, Bezos said, Gazette subscribers will be offered discount coupons for the Amazon subsidiary Whole Foods Market, good for in-store purchases only. When it was pointed out that the closest Whole Foods location was more than two hours away in Manchester, N.H., Bezos said, “Sounds like a great little road trip to me.”
Former staff of the Hardwick Gazette could not be reached for comment, but neighbors noticed several UPS delivery trucks unloading at the editor’s residence last week. A great number of empty boxes with the Amazon smile logo have been piled in his dooryard since then.
