#110,983 The new billion-dollar bill will have my portrait on the front of it and pictures of Mar-a-Lago on the reverse.
#795,024 There will be an automatic Presidential Pardon for any ICE officer who is seriously injured or kills a protester.
#371,967 Make Venezuela the 61st State.
#905,283 Statistics on inflation will no longer be released by the Federal Government.
#630,725 Girls and women raped by guards at ICE detention centers will not be allowed to have abortions
#319,570 Make Iran the 62nd State.
#279,013 Facebook and other online sites will be forced to reveal the names of all those who have posted anything critical of ICE.
#825,407 Christians who follow the role model of Christ rather than Trumpf will be deported to prisons in North Korea.
#597,265 Attack Cuba and make it the 63rd State.
#128,593 The signs over the entrances to ICE detention centers will read, Work Makes Free and Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here
#319,085 Only people who voted for me in the 2024 election will be allowed to vote in the 2026 mid-term elections in November.
#207,963 Presidential Pardons are available for anyone making a substantial contribution to my third term election campaign (2028).
#173,090 All copies of the popular children’s book “Watch Out for Donny the Molester Monster” will be confiscated and burnt, and the author, illustrator and publisher sent to a prison in Russian Siberia.
#301, 927 Killing children in foreign countries is not a crime. They are just going to grow up and become terrorists.
Brought to you by: Hatemongers for Trumpf, Insecure Men Against Women Society, Unembarrassed Racists for Trumpf, Billionaires for Autocracy, Descendents of Slave Owners for Trumpf, There is No Limit to Evil Foundation and the We Have All the Power Federation.
And always remember: satire is absurdity fighting insanity.
David K. Rodgers
David K. Rodgers is a writer, mason and card carrying dilettante, who dabbles and babbles in art. He has lived in East Craftsbury for the past 40 years.
